


More Than A Selfish Decision

by bored_chic1002



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2074521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bored_chic1002/pseuds/bored_chic1002
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So we all (who've read the books) know how Tris and Four and everybody else got put under the bad simulation serum by Jeanine Matthews and the rest of the Erudite. </p>
<p>But say Jeanine Matthews mysteriously died before the simulation was able to take place? Say a year passes after, and now Erudite has their feet back under them and they want to try again? </p>
<p>This will be the story of how Cressida, along with a few old friends we all know and love, will face that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Too Selfish

"Come on, Cressida, we don't want to be late!"

I rolled my eyes at my twin brother Jeremy's loud cry. _As if I'm not aware._

I continued to run my brush through my long red hair, and, when I finished that, I braided it into a single long braid that fell down my back almost to my butt.

I faced myself in the mirror, checking to make sure that my skirt wasn't sideways and my loose peasant-type shirt was sitting right on my body (you may laugh but I've walked out of the house with my skirt sideways more than once and my brothers have "never noticed").

And I didn't need for that to happen today.

Today was the day Jeremy and I took our aptitude tests, as did every other child who was at the age of sixteen or near there.

Our aptitude tests would tell us which faction we belonged in: Abnegation, the selfless ones; Candor, the truthful ones; Dauntless, the brave ones; Erudite, the smart ones; or my faction of Amity, the kind ones.

I unconsciously bit my lip, sliding my long sleeve down my arm to completely cover my wrist as I set about putting my things in my old patched satchel that was once my older brother's.

_Well, not all of us are kind._

I've always found it hard to be kind to everyone, even the rude and arrogant people, and I've found it's very hard to be happy all the time, no matter what, which is what is expected of all Amity, ever.

I've gotten into trouble with Johanna Reyes a few times because of my rudeness and my "inability to be kind," but as they say, the apple never falls far from the tree.

Maybe I should clear a few things up before I continue.

My name is Cressida Rene Alfresco.

I grew up in a household of six: my mom and dad, my older brother Ronan, me and Jeremy, and our younger brother Kristoff.

Ronan, being three years older than Jeremy and I, took his aptitude test and went through the Choosing Ceremony three years ago, and was now a part of the Dauntless faction.

As the rule around here is "Faction before blood," I have only seen my older brother once in the past three years, and that was when we were allowed to visit him mid-way through his initiation training.

He was curt and distant around Mom and Dad, as I expected he would be, but when he took Jeremy, Kristoff and I off to the side for a little bit, he was his own normal self, laughing and joking and being our brother except for the strange warning he gave us: Look out for each other.

At first I didn't understand what he meant by it, but when my parents' angry words and violent acts started being directed at my brothers and I, his warning made perfect sense.

Jeremy, being my twin brother, was sixteen as well, but our similarities stopped there.

While I had fiery red hair and green eyes like Ronan, and was at a decent height of 5' 9" and had some muscle and weight to me, Jeremy had brown hair and brown eyes, and towered over most people at 6' 3", thin as a rail.

And even though I knew Jeremy was not happy all the time, and even though I knew he agreed with me that we shouldn't have to always be nice to every single person ever, he sure did a really good job at disguising it, whereas I did not disguise my feelings at _all_.

Which, according to my mother, made me a disgrace to the Alfresco family of Amity, and therefore she was in the right when she punished me, and it was for my own good.

I jammed my foot into my small flats, feeling my face descend into a scowl before I shook myself.

 _You're **happy** Cressida. Think about something else_.

Kristoff, being three years younger than Jeremy and I, was the baby of the family.

He _never_ gets into trouble for anything, always staying kind and happy and helpful, which is just what Jeremy and I taught him to do, as Ronan had made it clear that looking out for Kristoff was our job.

If I looked like a female version of Ronan, then Kristoff looked like a mini-Jeremy. He had the same exact color hair and eyes and was wiry and skinny like Jeremy, the only main difference being that he was only 5' 6" and barely thirteen years old.

I bit my lip and stood in front of the mirror one more time, my bag slung over my shoulder, unable to find anything else to do in my room to keep me from going downstairs.

I loved my brothers with everything I had, but no amount of love for them could make me want to stay in Amity with my parents any longer, even if it meant I could protect my brothers.

I didn't really care what faction my aptitude test gave me, as long as it wasn't Amity.

I looked away from the mirror and headed for the door, unable to look at myself, ashamed as I was with my own thoughts.

Sure, it was selfish of me to wish that. I wasn't too proud of it.

I couldn't help but let a grim smirk sneak onto my face at my next thought, however:

_At least I know I won't be getting the Abnegation for my aptitude test results. I'm too selfish to go and live with the Stiffs._


	2. Not When We're So Close

I was waiting in the back of the Amity line with Jeremy and our friend Mariah, standing behind the rest of the Amity waiting to take their aptitude tests. 

The line next to us was made up of Candors, with Abnegations, Erudites, and Dauntless following after. 

"Aren't you guys excited?" Mariah squealed happily, clapping her hands slightly in excitement. "After today we get to start the rest of our lives together! It's gonna be so  _awesome!"_  

I did my best to smile in response, but I found myself avoiding both her gaze and Jeremy's gaze. 

Mariah was an undeniably sweet girl, the most perfect Amity-like person I've ever met. She had gorgeous brown hair just as long as my red hair, but more often than not she chose to keep it down so it reached her knees. 

And she was my very best friend, after Jeremy of course. We've been friends for as long as I can remember. But sometimes she was too sweet and gullible for her own good. 

All of us had probably only been waiting about fifteen minutes or so, but already students were getting restless (especially the Dauntless) and a few students were wandering from their factions' lines to talk to students of other factions. 

"Hey Treehugger!" 

My back stiffened at the sound of the hateful nickname people of other factions called the Amity. 

But it wasn't even directed at me. 

A few boys from the Candor line were now a little closer to the Amity line and were looking directly at Jeremy, Mariah and I. 

Well, mainly at Mariah. 

 _No surprise there._  

She was gorgeous one of the pair of us, with her dark auburn hair that went to her waist and her baby blue eyes with dark lashes. She always has been the prettier of the two of us, even if she has never noticed or cared to notice. Jeremy has been mooning over her for the past three years, too scared to tell her he likes her, and I've grown used all guys looking right past me and at her. 

Anyway, I had more than enough reason to assume that the shout had been meant Mariah, especially since the person who said it, a guy of about my height and build with wavy fly-away blonde hair and stormy grey eyes was still staring at her, a nasty smirk (that made me want to punch him in the face) playing at his lips. 

Jeremy grabbed my wrist, squeezing it tightly for a moment before letting me go just as quickly. 

I knew it was a warning. 

Tearing my gaze away from the Candor boy, I met my twin's eyes levelly. 

 _Don't get angry now, Cressida._  Jeremy's soft brown eyes pleaded.  _Not when we're this close._  

Before I could think of a way to reassure him or myself (or both of us), Mariah had figured out that the boys were talking to her and her smile widened. 

"Yes?" She called over, her blue eyes twinkling with so much happiness that I wanted to shake her. 

I mean, who can be  _that_  happy  _all_  the time? 

 _Obviously not you, Cressida._  A little voice hissed in the back of my head.  _You're not good enough for Amity, you're nothing but a rude, selfish person._  

I forced myself to not listen to the voice in the back of my head as the Candor boy began talking again. 

"Why don't you lift that skirt up for us, sweetheart?" The guy (jerk!) called out, winking at her suggestively as his two friends cat-called and wolf-whistled. "You want us all to be  _happy,_  don't you?" 

A muscle in Jeremy's jaw leaped, and I knew he was forcing that pleasant smile on his face with every ounce of resistance he had. 

Meanwhile, I felt sick to my stomach.  _Those bastards._  

I prepared to turn my back on the guys after shooting them a surreptitious glare, about to make it so that I was facing Mariah and Jeremy, trying to block them out so Mariah wouldn't have to deal with their jerk-ness. 

But before I got a chance to do that, I saw Mariah's hands clench around the folds of her floor-length forest green tiered skirt, and the hem began to lift above her ankles. 

 _No! Why does she have to actually do it?!_  

"Mariah,  _don't!"_  I lunged forward and knocked her skirt out of her hands, rage flaring through my entire being until my own hands were beginning to shake with it. 

Mariah looked wounded that I had hit her and made her stop, but I would explain it to her later. 

I felt the enormous need to protect her surge through me, like she was a little innocent puppy instead of a young girl, my best friend. 

I whirled on the Candor boys then, my rage and anger still written all over my face, and I was at the point of not even caring that I wasn't trying to hide it. 

"You  _bastards."_  I spat, my voice full of loathing and hatred. "You leave her  _alone,_  you hear me?" 

My angry outburst got a gasp from Mariah, a groan from Jeremy, and a few looks of shock from the Candor boy and his friends. 

I waited, breathing heavily, my hands still shaking, glaring at the boy, almost daring him to say something. 

The boy who had been speaking the whole time walked forward until he was standing directly in front of me, until we were almost nose to nose. 

(Which proved my earlier theory of us being the same exact height.) 

"What's an Amity doing getting  _angry?"_  The boy sneered softly, his lip curling and an evil glint gleaming in his eyes. "We wouldn't want her to get in  _trouble,_  now would we? And what's so wrong with your friend here making us happy?  _You_  should want to make us happy too, you know." 

Not even thinking about or caring about the consequences, I lifted my hand up and punched the boy directly in the face, my fist connecting with his left eye. 

The punch jarred my arm, and I wasn't sure who was more shocked that I'd hit him: me, or him. 

I'd never hit anyone before, and the feeling in my hand was a new one. Later that night I would find that my knuckles were bruised blue and purple in color. 

I would also realize that I enjoyed the thrill of punching someone, in some weird rage-filled way. 

But I managed to hide my own shock well. 

"I said leave her  _alone."_  My speech slowed down to a mere crawl, now with a dangerous growl to it as I felt my hands clench into shaking fists again. "Go back to your friends,  _Candor._  And leave  _all_  of us alone, you jackass." 

There was a split instant where a new look flashed in his eyes, looking like a mixture of surprise and new-found respect. 

But then it was gone, a sneering leer left on his face, his eyes flashing with anger. 

He leaned closer to me so that he could whisper in my right ear. I could feel the heat from his body and I could have sworn he could hear my heart pounding with the adrenaline. 

"You'd better watch yourself,  _Treehugger."_  He warned threateningly before pulling away from me and walking with his friends back to the Candor line, leaving him with the last word unfortunately. 

I turned back around to face my brother, who had his arm around Mariah and was talking to her quietly. 

When he sensed my gaze, he looked up to meet my eyes and his gaze was defeated, and disappointed. 

 _I'm sorry._  I pleaded with him with my eyes, my face falling with sadness. Dread pooled into my stomach as I realized what I had done.  _I didn't mean to, I swear._

Either Jeremy wasn't ready to forgive me, or he couldn't seem to think of anything to say, because he just tightened his jaw and looked away. 

Then all of the students were heading into the building to take our exams. 

 _Well, that's wonderful, Cressida._  I thought to myself as I followed my brother and my friend, ignoring the curious looks from other students.  _You've messed up big-time. Great job._


	3. The Aptitude Test

"Drink this."   
  
I blinked at the small vial of blue liquid that Tori, the Divergent woman who was going to administer my test, was holding in front of my face.   
  
The past half an hour had been a blur in my mind: waiting with Mariah and my brother, who both ignored me; then Jeremy and I being called up with a few other students with last names starting with "A"; Jeremy giving my hand a quick squeeze before we both went into our separate testing rooms; Tori commenting on how odd it was to see someone from Amity looking angry.   
  
(Apparently she could still see it on my face.)   
  
Now I was sitting in an uncomfortable chair with wires attached to the side of my head and I was being told to drink some strange substance.   
  
I was still on a part-adrenaline rush high from earlier, and I was also scared, nervous, and just plain exhausted.   
  
I wanted to crash and fall asleep and pretend today never happened.   
  
 _Just do it, Cressida._  A voice in the back of my head urged me to move my hand forward, to grab the vial, and down the liquid in one gulp.  _Get it over with already._    
  
"It's okay to be scared."   
  
My neck snapped back to glare up at my administrator.   
  
Tori was smirking at me and I knew what her look and her words really meant,  _It's okay to be scared because it's what is expected of you._    
  
My anger flared right back up in the span of a second, my pride wounded.   
  
"I'm not scared." I snapped harshly before snatching the vial out of Tori's hand, tipping the liquid back and sawllowing it down my throat, leaving a bitter and medicine-like after taste in my mouth.   
  
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to focus on anything other than my nervousness and the disgusting taste in my mouth.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
A moment later I re-opened my eyes and found that Tori was gone.   
  
 _Hmm...do the administrators have to leave the room when we take our test?_    
  
I shrugged and got up out of the chair I'd been sitting in, walking over towards the wall of mirrors and taking a closer look at my reflection.   
  
Pieces of my hair were beginning to fall out of my braid, and it had a very ruffled rolled-out-of-bed kind of look that made me want to laugh at myself.   
  
"Choose."   
  
 _Huh?_    
  
I turned around slowly, and it looked like I was looking into another mirror, but it was just another me, like with an actual body and everything.   
  
The chair and table behind her were now gone, and all four walls in the room were now covered in mirrors.   
  
"Choose." The Other Me said again, raising an eyebrow as I frowned.   
  
"What are you talking about? Choose  _what?"_  I felt my impatience beginning to rise again.   
  
Other Me rolled her eyes and pointed behind me. "Over there. And hurry up, why don't you?"   
  
I turned my back on Other Me, and saw that I was facing two different pillars, both with bowls on it, one holding a block of cheese, and another holding a knife.   
  
 _Choose._    
  
 _So, I just have to pick one?_  I thought, slighlty bewildered.  _What good will cheese do me. I don't think that'll be very useful at all._    
  
So, with a quick shrug of my shoulders, I grabbed the knife by its hilt and held it clenched in my right fist.   
  
Almost as soon as I did that, the cheese, pillars, and bowls disappeared.   
  
I whirled back around, looking for Other Me, but she was nowhere to be seen. There were dozens of Me's in the mirrors, though. I seemed to be everywhere at once, which made everything seem very disconcerting.   
  
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a growl behind me. Turning back around with dread settling in my stomach, I saw a dog advancing on my slowly, its hackles raised and its rabid gaze fixed on me, a growl emanating from its throat.   
  
 _Damn, damn, damn, what do I do?_    
  
Then it clicked.   
  
 _Duh. Cress, the knife! The one in your hand!_    
  
I figured it out just in time, too, because the next thing I knew, the dog had jumped, its jaws open and aimed for my throat.   
  
Squeezing my eyes shut so that I wouldn't have to look, I brought the knife up, feeling it sink blade first into the animal's chest, even as the weight of the dog knocked me off of my feet.   
  
When I opened my eyes, expecting to see a dying dog, maybe some blood also, I only saw a little puppy where the rabid dog had been, now wagging its tail and looking up at me with love in its gaze.   
  
 _What does this all mean?_    
  
"Puppy!"   
  
Looking over my shoulder, I saw a young girl in Amity clothing, her long blonde hair swinging down to her waist, grinning in delight at the sight of the puppy.   
  
I smiled halfheartedly, turning to look back at the puppy, but now it had turned back into a rabid dog and was already halfway to the young girl, its jaws open and ready to bite again.   
  
I bit my lip but did not move, turning away from the sight of the young girl beginning to cry in fear.   
  
 _There's nothing I could to do help her._    
  
The scene changed.   
  
I was now on a bus, and I found myself sitting next to a man reading a newspaper. I couldn't see his face, but I could see the face of a man on the front cover of the newspaper.   
  
It was a picture of a young man, perhaps in his twenties, with wavy blonde hair and a scruffy beard under clear blue eyes, the bluest eyes I'd ever seen.   
  
 _I wouldn't forget those eyes._  There was something in the back of my mind that made me feel like I knew this man. I just couldn't shake it, no matter how hard I tried, and I couldn't remember how I knew him either.   
  
"Do you know who this is?" The man behind the newspaper tapped the picture I'd been looking at, his voice gruff and abrupt.   
  
The headline read "Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended!"   
  
 _Wait. I don't know any murderers...there's no way I could know him._    
  
"Well?" The man behind the newspaper sounded angry and impatient. "Do you?"   
  
I shrugged, not committing a yes or a no answer.   
  
The man put his newspaper down, and I saw his face for the first time. All I really saw was a mouth set in a harsh snarl and eyes covered in black sunglasses. "Do you? Well?"   
  
I bit my lip and then nodded slightly, feeling that I should be honest with the man as he seemed extremely desperate. "Yes. He-he looks familiar, but I can't remember from where."   
  
The man's expression became less mean and he nodded. "You told the truth. That's good."   
  
I panicked.  _Wait, the truth? Does that mean I'm Candor? Damn it, I hope not._    
  
That was the last thing I remembered thinking before everything went black.


End file.
